Thankful for "Family"

So it has been a while because I have been stuck....stuck at a level of BLAH.....and for those of you wondering that is a level and I hate it! I haven't given up but I just am not happy with my current plan or goals...I feel like somewhere along the way I went off track. I stopped going to the Y because it was expensive and I HATED being there alone. I am so tired of feeling like I am going in a circle around and around so @ 6am Saturday I am meeting with one of my AMAZING trainers....we are going to figure out a new plan....in his words to learn how to SMASH the barriers that are keeping me from liking the girl I see in the mirror....

So today I am VERY THANKFUL for my handful of true friends and few family members that have been here for me through the good, the bad and the ugly! I am also VERY THANKFUL for my trainers.... that I still don't understand why the care about me....and I am also VERY THANKFUL for my supportive RHEK family! I want each person in these categories to know that you are my family and I don't know who or where I would be if you guys weren't here for me! 

Excuses.....

I find that it is easier to write when I am doing good and I don't like to write about the bad days because it makes me feel like a failure. A failure to myself as well as a failure to my trainers and my awesome support group.... Well the last 2 weeks have been the worst 2 weeks in a VERY LONG time! 

My trainer says that I use my emotions as excuses....which I totally do. Problem though is my brain will not let me remain strong when my emotions get in the way. I have been dealing with baby daddy drama and it has really put a kink in my workouts and this week ruined my eating habits....I finally got things under control today but really I am having a hard time. Looking back it seems the first 2 years of my new way of life were way easier but I think that is fiction, that's my brain making things up because as times goes on I have gotten way more strict with workouts and eating habits....so sure it was easier with fewer rules. I feel pretty sure it was even harder when I first started. I just have to get my brain in line with my body, because at this moment I know that I am strong...I am a born fighter...I can make it through anything... Just gotta keep pushing forward... 

Favorite quote of the week..... Fitness is like marriage, you can't cheat and expect it to work!   

Hard.....

As I was working out at the YMCA yesterday with sweat pouring off of me, almost every person in there was watching me.....I was thinking to myself why are the looking at me? Well then I realized most adults don't jumprope....right? Well not the people at a gym anyway. At RHEK no one would have been looking because there we don't do anything "normal", you know why? Normal is boring! 

Looking in the mirror I thought to myself this is hard! This jumprope is kicking my ass! Since everyone is looking at me maybe I should stop... Well guess what... I didn't I worked through my 5 rounds of workouts including the 1000 turns of my jumprope! That's when I thought of the above quote "CHOOSE YOUR HARD" It sure is hard....hard to say no to your brain when it wants you to be weak. When you want your favorite foods....When it tells you that you can't make through a workout....YOU MUST CHOOSE YOUR HARD.....don't listen to your brain! Just like me you are STRONG TOO! Keep fighting for your goal no matter what goal that is! Oh and when you want to give up....REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED ! Thanks again to all of my friends that support me.....I have no idea what would have happened without your love and support! 

Never Give up....

Life works in such a random way.... My last blog I was doing so well. Then the worst thing happen I let some dumb emotions ruin almost a whole week. It was just a minor set back. The good thing is that I didn't give up. That doesn't mean that the thought didn't cross my mind a million times, but I just reminded myself that I am doing this for me! I am get healthy for myself. I am fighting my own fight. No one else is going to fight it for me.

On that note I do have several people that have been placed in my life to give my support, friendship and encouragement.  These people will NEVER know how truly amazing their support has been for me. I just hope that they know how important they are! I am certainly most of them will read this! 

Hopefully next week when you guys hear from me I will have a great update to give! Not one like today where the last two weeks have been way too hard....only because I made them that way!  

Getting Stronger

It has been a few weeks since my last update. I have been doing REALLY WELL! I have a new workout that I have been doing. It is working out really well. Each day I do cardio workouts as well as some weight training. The bad part is I have to keep myself STRONG, because I am doing on my on time which means, my trainer isn't there to yell at me! (Which I really miss) but I gotta do this to get where I want to be. I will be back with my great RHEK family as soon as I am where I wanna be. So for now and I hope always my choice will be strong and not weak....and if by chance I do make the wrong choice...... I am strong enough now to know that it was just one bad choice, and move on. The strongest people are the ones who get up after being knocked down. If you never get knocked down you wouldn't really have much to work with! One more thing....every Saturday is my cheat day ....  with that being said my cookout oreo shake is on the menu in just 2 days! 

I will get there.....

So I have been doing so well...... I mean like as good as I could possibly do. I started a new workout routine yesterday and I mean I was feeling so good about everything. And then today I ate exactly what I planned all day. Until I got home. Once I was home I was an hour late on eating..... well after I ate my planned dinner, Chicken lasagna with zucchini instead of noodles and very little cheese and a small side salad with sugar free raspberry vinaigrette. I was cleaning up the kitchen and doing laundry. I don't even know what happened, but all of the sudden I was standing in the kitchen....and before I even realized it I had eaten 6 chocolate chip cookies! Freaking 300 calories and 12g of sugar. Needless to say as soon as I finished eating them I was like ...really ...really is this why you wake up sweat your tail off and push so hard for? 

NO! It is not! You are working hard to see progress and to continue to build self worth. To some people this might seem very minor but to me it is really a big deal. 

But the one thing I must remember is I am human and with being a human comes something called mistakes....here is my favorite quote about Mistakes....

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something.
Morihei Ueshiba

Going to bed now, tomorrow is a new day! 

My mind is playing tricks on me

It is so hard to believe that your mind wants you to fail..... it wants you to think all of your decisions are wrong. It wants you to think that you really need food that is bad for you....it wants you to think you can't make it through a workout. It just continues to try to push you into staying stagnate and not growing. "Growth is in discomfort" so my mind is going to really have to get over it. I have had a hard time this week, not with my eating. I have done AWESOME with my eating but my mind decided since I was doing good at that it would mess with me on every other level! One of the reasons I am able to push forward so hard is this quote I received in an email earlier this week. I was questioning if it was normal for your mind to get weaker in certain areas while getting stronger in other areas.... the reply said " It can work that way. However, if you keep things in perspective and keep the strength that you are gaining in mind, it will perpetuate itself." 

The other reasons I stay strong....

* The watchful eye of the most amazing 9 year old!

* The best trainer in the world

* The best friend in the world 

* Support from my RHEK family  

NEVER LET YOUR WEAK MIND WIN!!!! 

On a side note..... I was super tempted this week by.... birthday cake....subway cookies and of all things homemade goodies at the farmers market....

Making myself proud....

 

So it has been a week since I made a promise to myself and my trainer that I would give my very best... Well I have done just that! Let me start by saying what I have said a million times, No one is perfect.... This week my downfalls were this... I put the wrong type of salad dressing on my salad on Tuesday. I thought it was vinegar but it was balsamic vinaigrette....way to many calories but lesson learned to read before using! Then on Wednesday my son and I went to see a movie. He had popcorn and butterfingers...well I had 30 pieces of popcorn and 1 butterfinger mini (it was 20 calories and 2 sugars for just that one piece) but I stopped at 1. Tonight when I got off work at 11pm, I really really really wanted a milkshake or some type of junk food but instead I had a piece of grilled chicken. So all in all a very good week!  

Your Choice

Well I can't begin to tell you guys the change that has come over me. All it takes is one person to give you that tiny little push you need in the right direction! I owe that to one of my trainers, they all are fantastic but this one is very blunt and to the point. He talked to be over an hour on Sunday morning about doing this for me, because I want it. Being fit, healthy and smaller. Making good choices because that is what I want. He said that the reason you make bad choices is because at the time your choice was that you wanted the bad thing more than you wanted the good thing. Not just with food but life in general. He gave me a book to read  that 

I think EVERYONE should read. The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy! 

Seriously it will help you in life.. all parts of your life.

  

Today my biggest challenge was..... Carson was sick and wanted a milkshake. I wanted just one sip but I made the CHOICE not to even have one sip!!!! 

Frustration

Well it has been a while since I blogged because I had nothing to talk about....Well the whole vegan thing didn't work for me. I could eat like that no problem. I just didn't lose a pound in over 2 weeks. My personal opinion is that the vegan way of eating has way too many carbs. I didn't eat bread carbs for the the most part for the past year. I also felt like my body was craving protein. It could have been all in my head, but either way. Looks like it is back to chicken and veggies for me. Gotta fuel my body! Looks like one of my trainers was right... I can see the look on his face when I tell him it didn't work for me!  Oh a side note my workout classes are changing.....As you already know I HATE change! Maybe this change is what my body needs to start losing again!  The new classes are called Monkey Bar Gym classes....just the name scares me! 

Changes

Life is always full of changes...and boy do I hate change! Well I decided in the last week to become a vegan. So far so good..... The first few people that I told were my trainers, both of them started their reply with why??? Well it's not because I am against eating animals! As long as no one eats by dog or cat I don't care who eats what or how.... I made this decision because the only meat I did eat was chicken....after over a year of only eating chicken it just gets dull and boring. One of my trainers made a very valid point, do you get tired of getting gas in your car? Doesn't matter what your answer is because you have to get it either way and you should think of food as fuel.... He is not really for the whole vegan thing because it lacks quality protein....but the other one said to give it a try. So after thinking and studying a few things I decided to give it a try! One good thing since I started eating fruit again ..... NO MORE CRAVINGS for sweet stuff! 

Plans....

As life goes on you see that plans sometimes fail..... Well I love summer because my son gets to stay up late and we get to hangout more. We go swimming, to the movies and to Carowinds! The problem with summer and "my eating" is that it is so hard to plan! I have done much better for the last week! I am not saying it is easy at all, because that would be a lie... It is really hard. RHEK (the place I workout) was closed for an entire week, I was sure I gained a million pounds but I didn't! I am still doing good. I have 6 pounds that are driving me crazy.... but I mean I still have 56 pounds to be at my goal weight... so for now I will keep pressing on! Crossfit classes start soon so I am certain I will lose those 6 pounds! "Sweat is fat crying!"   

No sugar = no scale!

Sorry I haven't posted in a little while but I had to work almost 60 hours this week, on top of being a mother and dog sitting for a friend! Today is my day off. With that being said it has been a BAD week for exercise and eating.  It started off with me thinking I could eat on the go the whole time and make good choices. Well to start with eating on the go cost way too much! Not to mention that good choices on the go are very slim. Needless to say I have eaten a million salads this week. My best friend is also doing a weight loss eating change as well. She has lost over 30lbs in 6 weeks.... She has an obsession with weighing herself everyday and then I have the obsession with sweets... So we made an agreement, if I eat sugar...she gets to weigh. Sounds dumb to most people, but I see how unhappy she gets if she doesn't lose a pound. So she must see the same thing in me when I eat sweets. So for now I am hoping this will help us both. 

I am not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be. I am me! I am trying to live a healthy life for me! 

If you are struggling with weight loss check out this website I found on pintrest.... it's really cool!

    http://allwomenstalk.com/7-fastest-ways-to-lose-weight/18/

Stress = bad eating....

So the last few days I have been struggling.... I mean struggling bad! I have had like 1 good day and 3 bad days. One day I had the brilliant idea that I would workout 3 hours without a planned meal before or after! Well guess what happened....after an amazing workout...I told myself, you can go to this buffet and only eat the things that are good for you, and stop when you are full.... Well guess what! I ate way to much and even had dessert. So I decided that day would be my cheat day... That would have been fine if 2 days before that I wouldn't have already had my cheat day. It wasn't planned that day either. My son had to have some stuff done at the hospital and I let my nerves take over my brain! Then yesterday I learned that a dear friend of mine passed away, and again my nerves took over and I comforted myself with food! 

Now with the last week behind me, today starts a whole new week. A clean slate for me and my body. Today I decided I am going to work super hard on controlling my brain. Your brain is such a bully if you let it be. It will tell you that you can't do things and that you aren't strong enough. So today I am going to try and teach my brain to be as strong as wonder woman's brain. I hope to have a much better week, and keep my brain from being weak..... 

Planning....is super important

So over the last few days I have realized that it is so important to be successful in anything you MUST have a plan. I mean sure with my job I have known this for a very long time! When it comes to eating right this is a must. If you don't have a plan you are setting yourself up for failure.


Last night I knew I wouldn't be able to eat anything healthy, because I would be taking my son to his first concert. I planned ahead and ate dinner right before leaving work. I then even went to the extra step taking peanuts with me, just in case!


Turns out the whole blogging is really helping me to do a lot better with my sugar cravings. Not perfect by any means but doing WAY better than I was before!!!!! 


As far as a plan goes just thought I would share a funny story.... At RHEK (the place I workout) I have taken several self defense classes and they teach us not only how to protect ourselves but also how to mentally prepare ourselves to look for warning signs....well last night at the concert the very first thing I did was scope the place out! I was locating the exits and scanning the people looking to see if there were any "shady" people near us...making plans just in case! Gotta love such amazing teachers! They are like little guardian angels on your shoulder, even when they aren't with you!!! 

It is well worth the wait....

Today like any other Saturday I worked out at 8am, went grocery shopping, cooked my food for work and went to work my 10 hour shift. Today was so strange for me. I am not like most girls I don't like attention from people. My goal is to stay under the radar with people. Well today for some reason people, and by people I mean several different random strangers told me, I was pretty, they like my hair, they like my nails. It was really weird! I also saw a few old friends and they went on about how different I look. They say I look like a completely different person.  When I look in the mirror I still see myself as I always have.  

I can't say THANKS enough to ALL of the people who have helped me get where I am in my life right now, as well as ALL of the people who have noticed that all of my hard work is paying off. So next time I get a craving for Rasinets or cookies... I am going to think about just how great it made me feel today that everyone noticed that I am working really hard to reach my goal weight as well as my goal of being "fit".....

2 highlights of this week...

1. One of my trainers handed my a 55lb weight and made me hold it while he was explaining our workout and I was like ...WHY AM I HOLDING THIS????? He said that is close to what you have lost, just think you used to carry that much extra weight! Man am I glad that weight is GONE!!! 

2. Wednesday in my sparology class I learned so much physically and mentally. I can't express to anyone how much this class is teaching me! 

Not a complete failure....

So here we are almost a week later and I have done a great job! Yesterday was my cheat day....with that being said I did indulge..... I had a cookie and rasinets! Funny truth they weren't nearly as good as they were a week before.

My last post was about working where I walk past delicious candy and ice cream a million times a day. Well I also must tell you that the food that my co-workers bring to work sometimes makes me wanna cry! Yeah I am talking about you....the one with the strawberry banana smoothie! lol I know he reads this so I had to put that. I     wanted his smoothie really bad that day.... I am doing a lot better and not even really craving sugar nearly as much. I hope to eventually not even want to have it on my cheat day. That was how it was at first. I went over 90 days without sugar and bread, one day I decided to have it again....look what happened I fell into a pit of sugar! Well for now the skinny girl dreams are beating the fat girl voice....

I feel like the little engine....

I think I can, I think I can.....

So I just figured out that I really wish I would have known everything I know about food before my son was born 9 years ago. Of course I didn't so he eats whatever he wants. With that being said he is the reason we have cookies and ice cream sandwiches at home, because I can't tell him no. He has been eating however he wanted since he was old enough to talk.He is currently trying to eat better simply because he sees me doing so well.  Even without me letting him eat bad I am surrounded by junk food at work. We sell ice cream, candy and popcorn. The popcorn ....yeah not even a challenge because I hate it! The rasinets are by far the hardest to resist even though they cost $4.00. 

I decided I would not go into the kitchen after 10pm for any reason. I close the kitchen. The main reason I decided this is because that is normally when I find myself trying to find sugar! 

But on a positive note I made it through day 2!    

Day 1 complete!

Thanks so much for all of the support! WOW! I really didn't think that anyone would read it. I truly think working out first thing in the morning helps me a lot to stay away from sugar. I did't even think about sugar until late last night. My workouts were AMAZING yesterday. We had a new teacher for my morning fitness class and she kicked my tail...and then for my night class it's called sparology and it was FANTASTIC!!! It used to be all men and last night it was 50/50 the teacher really likes that more women are stepping out of their comfort zone. He has taught me that you grow so much as a person if you take those dreaded steps outside your comfort zone! 


I decided that each day will start with a workout even if I can't make it to RHEK. I can do some things a home. Even though I am not nearly as motivated without being there. I figure even on my "rest" days I will do some sort of workout. In order to help me not crave sugar as much. On a side note the week before I started this I had the worst time ever with my eating. I mean one night I was so hungry I ate spaghetti sauce right out of the jar.....I know that sounds crazy! That was the day before I ate 3 ice cream sandwiches in one day. Now I am back on track and when I weighed I was down 4lbs. So I just decided to let that week be what it is just a week in my past. Sometimes I have a really bad habit of being like...OMG I messed up now I should just give up and stay like this forever....but that's just the fat girl voice trying to suffocated my skinny girl dreams! 

A little of who I am...

Well I feel pretty certain very few people will ever read this blog. With that being said I am not looking for fame or popularity from my blog.... fyi...the junk food addiction was spelled wrong on purpose all good names were unavailable! 


In October of 2010 I began a journey that would change my life forever. I joined a great place called RHEK. That stands for Ryan Hoover's Extreme Karate. One of my best friends called and said "hey you wanna take kick boxing with me?" I said sure, I know of this place. Well she went a few times and never came back. Since then I have brought more than 10 people....all but 1 never come back! Reasons why....1. It cost to much. 2. It is to far to drive. 3. I don't have enough time. 4. It was to hard. Well some people say I became obsessed with it. I would agree to a certain level. The classes are really fun and very self rewarding. To date I have lost over 60lbs and I no longer have Type 2 diabetes. Much of my success comes from my trainers helping me believe in myself. They are so very supportive. They answer emails and text messages almost instantly. They help me with workouts, personal issues and most importantly diet questions. 

My current struggle is junk food addiction. That was the whole reason I decided  to start a blog. Thinking to myself that if just one person reads this I will hold myself accountable. My whole life style change has been a slow one. It started very slow with just keeping a journal. I remember in the early stages being so upset by eating a candy bar, even putting a sad face beside it. Next I added protein shakes. Then cut out the fried food! Then cut out carbs.... Then in January of this year I am trying me best to cut out sugar. Sugar is sugar so no fruits either. Did you know that your body has no idea if you eat a banana or a snicker bar! I did a really good job until my 90 day challenge was over. Since then I find myself eating Rasinets or subway cookies 3 or 4 times a week. I have a cheat day but that has turned into a cheat week almost. At 200 calories for each cookie (shocked yesterday by that) I am cheating myself. I workout 5 days a week. When I say workout I mean like hardcore crazy sweat and major calorie burning stuff! So tell me why my brain is trying to sabotage what I have been working so hard to accomplish? So starting in the morning I plan on blogging everyday just to track my "problem"..... I really hope this turns into the success story of a once "fat girl."