Thankful for "Family"

So it has been a while because I have been stuck....stuck at a level of BLAH.....and for those of you wondering that is a level and I hate it! I haven't given up but I just am not happy with my current plan or goals...I feel like somewhere along the way I went off track. I stopped going to the Y because it was expensive and I HATED being there alone. I am so tired of feeling like I am going in a circle around and around so @ 6am Saturday I am meeting with one of my AMAZING trainers....we are going to figure out a new plan....in his words to learn how to SMASH the barriers that are keeping me from liking the girl I see in the mirror....

So today I am VERY THANKFUL for my handful of true friends and few family members that have been here for me through the good, the bad and the ugly! I am also VERY THANKFUL for my trainers.... that I still don't understand why the care about me....and I am also VERY THANKFUL for my supportive RHEK family! I want each person in these categories to know that you are my family and I don't know who or where I would be if you guys weren't here for me! 

Excuses.....

I find that it is easier to write when I am doing good and I don't like to write about the bad days because it makes me feel like a failure. A failure to myself as well as a failure to my trainers and my awesome support group.... Well the last 2 weeks have been the worst 2 weeks in a VERY LONG time! 

My trainer says that I use my emotions as excuses....which I totally do. Problem though is my brain will not let me remain strong when my emotions get in the way. I have been dealing with baby daddy drama and it has really put a kink in my workouts and this week ruined my eating habits....I finally got things under control today but really I am having a hard time. Looking back it seems the first 2 years of my new way of life were way easier but I think that is fiction, that's my brain making things up because as times goes on I have gotten way more strict with workouts and eating habits....so sure it was easier with fewer rules. I feel pretty sure it was even harder when I first started. I just have to get my brain in line with my body, because at this moment I know that I am strong...I am a born fighter...I can make it through anything... Just gotta keep pushing forward... 

Favorite quote of the week..... Fitness is like marriage, you can't cheat and expect it to work!   

Hard.....

As I was working out at the YMCA yesterday with sweat pouring off of me, almost every person in there was watching me.....I was thinking to myself why are the looking at me? Well then I realized most adults don't jumprope....right? Well not the people at a gym anyway. At RHEK no one would have been looking because there we don't do anything "normal", you know why? Normal is boring! 

Looking in the mirror I thought to myself this is hard! This jumprope is kicking my ass! Since everyone is looking at me maybe I should stop... Well guess what... I didn't I worked through my 5 rounds of workouts including the 1000 turns of my jumprope! That's when I thought of the above quote "CHOOSE YOUR HARD" It sure is hard....hard to say no to your brain when it wants you to be weak. When you want your favorite foods....When it tells you that you can't make through a workout....YOU MUST CHOOSE YOUR HARD.....don't listen to your brain! Just like me you are STRONG TOO! Keep fighting for your goal no matter what goal that is! Oh and when you want to give up....REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED ! Thanks again to all of my friends that support me.....I have no idea what would have happened without your love and support! 

Never Give up....

Life works in such a random way.... My last blog I was doing so well. Then the worst thing happen I let some dumb emotions ruin almost a whole week. It was just a minor set back. The good thing is that I didn't give up. That doesn't mean that the thought didn't cross my mind a million times, but I just reminded myself that I am doing this for me! I am get healthy for myself. I am fighting my own fight. No one else is going to fight it for me.

On that note I do have several people that have been placed in my life to give my support, friendship and encouragement.  These people will NEVER know how truly amazing their support has been for me. I just hope that they know how important they are! I am certainly most of them will read this! 

Hopefully next week when you guys hear from me I will have a great update to give! Not one like today where the last two weeks have been way too hard....only because I made them that way!  

Getting Stronger

It has been a few weeks since my last update. I have been doing REALLY WELL! I have a new workout that I have been doing. It is working out really well. Each day I do cardio workouts as well as some weight training. The bad part is I have to keep myself STRONG, because I am doing on my on time which means, my trainer isn't there to yell at me! (Which I really miss) but I gotta do this to get where I want to be. I will be back with my great RHEK family as soon as I am where I wanna be. So for now and I hope always my choice will be strong and not weak....and if by chance I do make the wrong choice...... I am strong enough now to know that it was just one bad choice, and move on. The strongest people are the ones who get up after being knocked down. If you never get knocked down you wouldn't really have much to work with! One more thing....every Saturday is my cheat day ....  with that being said my cookout oreo shake is on the menu in just 2 days! 

I will get there.....

So I have been doing so well...... I mean like as good as I could possibly do. I started a new workout routine yesterday and I mean I was feeling so good about everything. And then today I ate exactly what I planned all day. Until I got home. Once I was home I was an hour late on eating..... well after I ate my planned dinner, Chicken lasagna with zucchini instead of noodles and very little cheese and a small side salad with sugar free raspberry vinaigrette. I was cleaning up the kitchen and doing laundry. I don't even know what happened, but all of the sudden I was standing in the kitchen....and before I even realized it I had eaten 6 chocolate chip cookies! Freaking 300 calories and 12g of sugar. Needless to say as soon as I finished eating them I was like ...really ...really is this why you wake up sweat your tail off and push so hard for? 

NO! It is not! You are working hard to see progress and to continue to build self worth. To some people this might seem very minor but to me it is really a big deal. 

But the one thing I must remember is I am human and with being a human comes something called mistakes....here is my favorite quote about Mistakes....

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something.
Morihei Ueshiba

Going to bed now, tomorrow is a new day! 

My mind is playing tricks on me

It is so hard to believe that your mind wants you to fail..... it wants you to think all of your decisions are wrong. It wants you to think that you really need food that is bad for you....it wants you to think you can't make it through a workout. It just continues to try to push you into staying stagnate and not growing. "Growth is in discomfort" so my mind is going to really have to get over it. I have had a hard time this week, not with my eating. I have done AWESOME with my eating but my mind decided since I was doing good at that it would mess with me on every other level! One of the reasons I am able to push forward so hard is this quote I received in an email earlier this week. I was questioning if it was normal for your mind to get weaker in certain areas while getting stronger in other areas.... the reply said " It can work that way. However, if you keep things in perspective and keep the strength that you are gaining in mind, it will perpetuate itself." 

The other reasons I stay strong....

* The watchful eye of the most amazing 9 year old!

* The best trainer in the world

* The best friend in the world 

* Support from my RHEK family  

NEVER LET YOUR WEAK MIND WIN!!!! 

On a side note..... I was super tempted this week by.... birthday cake....subway cookies and of all things homemade goodies at the farmers market....