TMI....

Today the title is TMI because I am going to reveal some person information.

In the beginning it doesn't sound like it has anything to do with my quest to find the inner skinny girl in me, but I feel like it is all connected. So here goes. I was born into a family of addicts. Mostly my mom's side of the family. We have no joke....more than 5 crackheads in her line, we have alcoholics, and prescription drug addicts as well. When I say this I am being 100% for real. These aren't distant relatives most are really close. Never in my life had I ever done drugs. My mom herself had so many issues I would have to stay here all night telling you her issues. She passed away in 2010. Honestly I never understood the CHOICES she made. Tonight though as I drove home from a very stressful 11.5 hour work day.... The voice in my head tried to get me to stop at cookout for an oreo milkshake (my mouth is watering as I type that)....then it tried to get me to go to waffle house. 

I am very proud to report that I made it home....the whole 23 min drive without giving in. I had a handful of peanuts and a banana as my midnight snack! 

My whole reason for telling you about the addicts is for once I felt sorrow for my mom, I felt like for once I understood the mental stress she must have been dealing with on a daily basis. She was a good woman but made a lot of BAD CHOICES.... and that is exactly what we do,  we choose.... 

My fabulous trainer....that is also my #1 support person told me today that the reason we do anything it is because we want to.... if YOU want to lose weight, YOU  will eat right and exercise, if YOU  want to do drugs, YOU  will do drugs. So needless to say although it is a daily struggle... I will choose to do GOOD not bad! Thanks for all of your support! And if the voice in your head tells you that you can't do something..... CALL IT A LIAR! YOU  can do anything....anything that YOU  choose to do!  

Hard work....

So this year has been fantastic so far! I have been busting my tail at gym and watching my food almost perfectly. But no one is perfect! Several great things have happened in the last week.

The most awesome thing well i guess they are all awesome! 1. My trainer told me today that one of his clients....a fighter...who trains like a beast everyday said he was impressed with how hard i was working out! You can't imagine just how much that meant to me! 

2. While getting dressed on Wednesday i looked in the mirror and finally saw something different! My body is finally showing some of my hard work! My trainer also told me that the changes in your body take place like a flower....you notice changes on the outside first....like arms, legs and then your stomach. 

3. Yesterday during my fighting class i noticed that my ability to keep up with the guys in class is getting so much better! 

II think 2013 is going to be an amazing year!! 

New Year....Small Steps...

These pictures above were March of 2010 and March 2012. I won the same award 2 yrs apart. Some days when I look in the mirror I still see the 264lb girl on the left. 

1-1-13 This shirt is to small but soon it will fit.....

So It is Tuesday 1-1-2013.... I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep and all I could do was think about all the changes that each year brings with it. 2000, 2003, 2010 & 2012 were the most life changing years I have had so far in my 33 year life. 

2000 was the death of my older sister. She was more like a mother than my own mom.

2003 was the birth of my miracle child that I never thought I would have....doctors told me when I was 16,  I wouldn't ever be able to have children...WRONG! 

2010.... well I don't even know where to start.... March 2010 I was in the top 12 in my company of 530 General Mangers... May of 2010 my mother died....it is still very hard for me to deal with on a daily basis....I  joined RHEK October of 2010....I finally ended a 10 year terrible relationship in November 2010. 

2012, I was down 60lbs, and healthier than ever before....mentally and psychically.... I was #2 in my company of 530 General Managers!

I don't make new years resolutions because let's be honest by March you give up or get slack. This year I decided to set a goal.... by 1-1-2014 the clothes in the picture above will be to big, and by putting this pic on here I feel like I have to prove I can keep moving forward to myself as well as everyone reading. FYI that shirt is a medium.... I used to have an XL but I left it in a hotel....one of my trainers used to LOVE making fun of me when I was wearing my old shirt...."It's not easy being green is it Chrisie?" ~ RH

Funny Story when I look at the picture from today on my computer I think to myself.. WOW you don't look  bad....you have came a long long way... but in all honesty while taking that picture in person I was like OMG I am still so far from where I want to be, but small steps forward....

Thankful for "Family"

So it has been a while because I have been stuck....stuck at a level of BLAH.....and for those of you wondering that is a level and I hate it! I haven't given up but I just am not happy with my current plan or goals...I feel like somewhere along the way I went off track. I stopped going to the Y because it was expensive and I HATED being there alone. I am so tired of feeling like I am going in a circle around and around so @ 6am Saturday I am meeting with one of my AMAZING trainers....we are going to figure out a new plan....in his words to learn how to SMASH the barriers that are keeping me from liking the girl I see in the mirror....

So today I am VERY THANKFUL for my handful of true friends and few family members that have been here for me through the good, the bad and the ugly! I am also VERY THANKFUL for my trainers.... that I still don't understand why the care about me....and I am also VERY THANKFUL for my supportive RHEK family! I want each person in these categories to know that you are my family and I don't know who or where I would be if you guys weren't here for me! 

Excuses.....

I find that it is easier to write when I am doing good and I don't like to write about the bad days because it makes me feel like a failure. A failure to myself as well as a failure to my trainers and my awesome support group.... Well the last 2 weeks have been the worst 2 weeks in a VERY LONG time! 

My trainer says that I use my emotions as excuses....which I totally do. Problem though is my brain will not let me remain strong when my emotions get in the way. I have been dealing with baby daddy drama and it has really put a kink in my workouts and this week ruined my eating habits....I finally got things under control today but really I am having a hard time. Looking back it seems the first 2 years of my new way of life were way easier but I think that is fiction, that's my brain making things up because as times goes on I have gotten way more strict with workouts and eating habits....so sure it was easier with fewer rules. I feel pretty sure it was even harder when I first started. I just have to get my brain in line with my body, because at this moment I know that I am strong...I am a born fighter...I can make it through anything... Just gotta keep pushing forward... 

Favorite quote of the week..... Fitness is like marriage, you can't cheat and expect it to work!   

Hard.....

As I was working out at the YMCA yesterday with sweat pouring off of me, almost every person in there was watching me.....I was thinking to myself why are the looking at me? Well then I realized most adults don't jumprope....right? Well not the people at a gym anyway. At RHEK no one would have been looking because there we don't do anything "normal", you know why? Normal is boring! 

Looking in the mirror I thought to myself this is hard! This jumprope is kicking my ass! Since everyone is looking at me maybe I should stop... Well guess what... I didn't I worked through my 5 rounds of workouts including the 1000 turns of my jumprope! That's when I thought of the above quote "CHOOSE YOUR HARD" It sure is hard....hard to say no to your brain when it wants you to be weak. When you want your favorite foods....When it tells you that you can't make through a workout....YOU MUST CHOOSE YOUR HARD.....don't listen to your brain! Just like me you are STRONG TOO! Keep fighting for your goal no matter what goal that is! Oh and when you want to give up....REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED ! Thanks again to all of my friends that support me.....I have no idea what would have happened without your love and support! 

Never Give up....

Life works in such a random way.... My last blog I was doing so well. Then the worst thing happen I let some dumb emotions ruin almost a whole week. It was just a minor set back. The good thing is that I didn't give up. That doesn't mean that the thought didn't cross my mind a million times, but I just reminded myself that I am doing this for me! I am get healthy for myself. I am fighting my own fight. No one else is going to fight it for me.

On that note I do have several people that have been placed in my life to give my support, friendship and encouragement.  These people will NEVER know how truly amazing their support has been for me. I just hope that they know how important they are! I am certainly most of them will read this! 

Hopefully next week when you guys hear from me I will have a great update to give! Not one like today where the last two weeks have been way too hard....only because I made them that way!